How to Choose Your Bridesmaid Squad
He asked, and you said YASSSSSSS!
What comes next? Choosing a set of women to stand by your side on your big day of course. If you are like me then there are just too many to choose from between family and friends. You love everyone and keep in constant contact with everyone all the time. But unfortunately, there has to be a limit.
I could have chosen 15 solid women, but then my now husband would have a hard time gathering that many groomsmen since he has a smaller circle of close family and friends. So when we were compiling a list for our wedding party we both sat down and talked about who & why. It came to my attention the thought process is a lot different for men, but the strategy to choose for women gets a bit deeper for some us women.
The process for women can be a bit more heartbreaking for us who share so many relationships and memories with your favorite girl. However, when we finished our list we made a decision that would impact the both of us. There is no precise formula for making your choices ladies. But below are some things to think about when choosing your Bridesmaid squad.
Do you and your fiance both have a healthy relationship with this person?
If your girl is only cool with you and not your fiance it's hard to plan with that energy because you want an inclusive environment. You want someone who loves the both of you, and with limited awkwardness. Bride, you should never feel you have to choose one person over the other especially someone over your husband to be. I would just give them an invite no hard feelings.
2. If you ever had a misunderstanding with this person were there ever an apology?
See you can't be going on this journey with grudges or resentment. If you choose a girl that you have not mended a past conflict with, I wouldn't dare add them to the squad. Because if that person does anything that is distasteful to you or others on the squad, your mind will automatically think the person is being petty/ or it's a form of payback.
3. When she is under pressure do they ask for help, freak out or vent and handle shit?
If you're the type of woman who can not handle daily life pressures and can get extremely anxiety filled. The planning elements for a bridesmaid can get very overwhelming and the pressure will be thrown at you from different areas and people. So Bride, since you know your friends so well, save that person ahead of time before it's too late. The last thing you need is to coach people through pressures of planning events for you and your husband to be.
4. When something good happens in your life and you share the details, does this person celebrate you?
Celebrating your friends and family is so important so before you think about this question, if you are not the type of person who reciprocates love back to your friend's blessing, please disregard and work on that before you can answer this for your potential bridesmaid. NOW, if you are the type that gets hype for your people's accomplishments, it's an extremely important component to consider for others. This is a big deal in your life, and the bridesmaid you choose needs to serve as your personal cheerleader way after the I do's.
5. When you were in a rut/ or a bad spot in life did this person reach out to you
( periodically, you know folks have a life) to make sure you were straight?
So a good friend knows when to give space and invade your space. This journey comes with tears and frustration. How a person treats you when your life is upside down, can be directly correlated to how the person would be in your wedding planning phases. You need a shoulder to cry on when your Husband-to-be to just don't get it. You can’t have a person in your corner who gives you space to go through your emotions alone. You need a person who is there to vent with you. You can't choose one of those part-time friends who doesn't check in with you periodically but because you been friends for ever you feel compelled to add them. Thats a Big No NO!
6. When you planned an event in the past ( no matter the guest count) did this potential bridesmaid offer to help in any way?
Bride, you get a chance to plan an epic party because of the name Love. This takes a team effort because you want it to be memorable. So potential bridesmaid I want you to reflect on a time when the Bride was planning an event in the past. Did you show up to show face/respect and support because you were invited or did you offer to help to relieve some of the responsibilities or stress that come with planning? I ask because although you are not required to be a wedding planner of some sort. She needs to know if the florist did not come through you already have a backup plan to her back up plan. If the florist is late, you are ready to get down and help make sure everything goes as plan without a hitch. Can you handle that? Are you that person?
7. Does this person have issues with money that has been expressed prior to this engagement?
Being a bridesmaid comes with a heavy price tag. Hair, shoes, dresses, makeup, bachelorette activities, bridal/ wedding shower, and gifts. If it's a destination wedding: flights ticket and hotel stay are a heavy burden as well. It's not easy to be selfless unless that's the girlfriend you can bend over backward for to make sure this person is happy. So Bride, if in the past your potential bridesmaid had screamed broke, or maybe you helped her out many times during outings, that's very nice of you. But these characteristics should be a red flag during the planning phase. You can't financially support her to be a bridesmaid unless you going to do it for everyone. If you're planning a very budget friendly wedding there's no room for that. So potential bridesmaid you need to figure out if you have the funds to cover all the things that come with being a bridesmaid. It’s much cheaper to be a guest.
8. Is this person always busy with life/ school/ work?
Some people have much more going on in their life than others, so adding being bridesmaid to the list of the other titles a busy woman might have will be hard to juggle. Bride this is one of the friends you need to have a serious convo with especially if she’s in school, working and or has a child because this type of lifestyle comes with a very tight schedule. This person may want to truly be there for you, but this is a point in time you want undivided attention. It's hard not to seem selfish when this person has milestones of their own they are trying to accomplish. And to add the bridesmaid duties to this individual may alter their goals and may seem like you don't really care. However, if this person truly believes they can handle it, then bring her on board and support her so that she too can achieve her goals simotaneuly.
I don't consider myself an expert, but having been 2 Matron of honors to my closest girlfriends and held many bridesmaid roles, I feel compelled to write this post to save the hassle for future or current brides. As a former bride myself I felt like I made a great decision on who I chose, but there were some questions I missed to ask myself or others. So if you are planning to build your bridesmaid squad please advise the questions above. Not all your friends/family needs to be a bridesmaid. They can play other roles on your special day i.e poem reader, passage reader, officiant, usher, glam squad, wedding planner ( if they have the event planning skills), invite her to get ready with you on the wedding day, greet guest at the reception, MC, and much more. Create a solid team of 1- 10 girls who you believe even after the wedding celebration will stand by you & your husband in sickness and in health till death do you part!.
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